Is it possible to be in love with 25 people at once? Everything I know to be true just went out the window. I’ll wave at you every day. I can’t tell where your back ends and your butt begins. I’m not spooked. What’s the next thing after spooked? I’m that. Detention is no big deal. Don’t have a crap attack. Your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it. Thank you zombie boyfriends.

A pants-off. For me? So I think I’m being attacked by zombies and I start screaming, ‘Do you wanna make out?’ And I make out with it. If you need me, I’ll be down here on the floor. Dying. I’m gonna write the most erotic, graphic, freakiest friend fiction ever. It’s an erotic friend fiction story that I just wrote. I hope you like it, because you’re all in it. It’s called ‘Buttloose.’ I could go to jail, or hell, or jail-hell. I could go to jail, or hell, or jail-hell. My crotch is itchy.

Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he’s looking at my molars, it’s like he’s looking into my soul. Ugg, my heart just pooped its pants. I’m no hero. I just put my bra on one boob at a time. You had me at horses, but then you lost me at corpses. Dear God, this is Tina from school. Suddenly, Tina Belcher appeared in the doorway. She knew what she had to do. Your body. Ok then, see you on our date!