If you need me, I’ll be down here on the floor. Dying. She grabbed Jimmy Jr’s butt and changed the world. There’s a lot of carrots in that stew. I can’t tell where your back ends and your butt begins. I’m a smart, strong, sensual woman. I could go to jail, or hell, or jail-hell. Now my rash smells like bacon. But it doesn’t itch anymore.

Dear God, this is Tina from school. I didn’t know our county was bi. Good for us. Ok then, see you on our date! My boob? C’mon Dad, just let me bite down on the bean.Your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it. I’ve logged over 3,000 fantasy hours on my relationship with Jimmy Jr. You don’t just throw that away. If we see any mermaids, I’m gonna ask them where their merginas are.

My hearttttttttt. Drop the towel. This is such a snore-gasm. Crap attack? Don’t have one? You won’t regret it, dad. When I kiss Jimmy Jr. under the disco ball, it’ll be like we’re all kissing Jimmy Jr under the disco ball. I’m no hero. I just put my bra on one boob at a time. Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he’s looking at my molars, it’s like he’s looking into my soul. Dear Diary: Tonight I’m sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses.