Dad, if you believe you’re beautiful, you will be. I did. Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he’s looking at my molars, it’s like he’s looking into my soul. If I were a hamburger you’d come and watch! My crotch is itchy. Dear Diary: Tonight I’m sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses. uhhhhhhh Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he’s looking at my molars, it’s like he’s looking into my soul. Give them ridiculous French accents.

YOU GORGEOUS IDIOT! YOU GORGEOUS IDIOT! Here’s a bunch of numbers. They may look random but they’re my phone number. I can’t tell where your back ends and your butt begins. If we see any mermaids, I’m gonna ask them where their merginas are. Do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads? Your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it. Just when I think I’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in.

Dad, you’re the best pimp a girl could ever have. My boob? YOU GORGEOUS IDIOT!Buns…sen. I’m out of control. Chad the Zombie touched the butt of that girl with the frosted hair from my art class. I think her name is Kristi. Sometimes with Jimmy Jr, I don’t know what to say. But now I don’t know what not to say and it’s like okay guys, who can get to my mouth first? I could go to jail, or hell, or jail-hell.